Feedback on AWA (Argument Analysis)

[pritesh.shah]

Hi Guys,

I have just begun with my GMAT preps.
I attempted this on the first MGMAT I took.

Would be great if some one can provide constructive feedback and grade my attempt. Oblige.

ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:

"The inflow of immigrant workers into our community has put a downward pressure on wages. In fact, the average compensation of unskilled labor in our city has declined by nearly 10% over the past 5 years. Therefore, to protect our local economy, it is essential to impose a moratorium on further immigration."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

RESPONSE:

The argument in question is based on certain assumptions. Also there are other factors which might have an effect on the soundness of the conclusion of the argument, have not been considered by the author. Owing to this, the argument in question is weak. It would need to be substantiated with pertaining evidence for it to hold true.

The argument assumes that immigrant workers charge less to do the same work as the natives and this has caused a decline in the wages of the overall unskilled worker community. There is a 10% decline in the wages over the past 5 years as per the argument. This fact can also be due to the rapid technological advances in the past half decade. The hard laborious work which was done previously by the unskilled workers might be taken care of by automated machines leaving little for the workers to actually do. Since there might be only relatively easier tasks for the workers to do, the compensation for the work done would have dropped proportionately.

Also there is no mention about the work available to the workers through out these five years. If the amount of work available has been gradually decreasing while the worker class number has remained constant then more no of workers would have been rendered unemployed. Due to this there would be an obvious decline in the average compensation that is met out.

The state of economy during these 5 years is also not considered by the author of the argument. If the local economy was hit by recession, not only the worker class but also all the other classes too would have been affected by the downturn seriously weakening the argument presented by the author.

Further, the argument concludes that it is essential to impose a moratorium on further immigration altogether which is flawed. The examples cited by the author are of the unskilled worker class alone, the immigrants might include skilled workers who may be helping the local economy grow. It would thus be inappropriate to restrict all kinds of immigrants.

Evidence regarding the pay scale being met out to the unskilled immigrant workers, technological advances during the past 5 years and the state of economy and hence the work available should be examined before drawing a conclusion.

[StaceyKoprince]

Hi, thanks for posting your essays! Just an FYI that instructors don't grade or give feedback on essays (see the forum guidelines for details).

But I certainly hope other community members respond. Also, if you're in our class, you'll have an opportunity to get essays graded and get written feedback during the course (after class 6). Finally, you can get essays graded by GMAT Write (the official essay grading service from the makers of the exam) - they'll both grade the essays and provide feedback as to how to improve (for a fee). For details and pricing, go to www.mba.com and search for GMAT Write.

[pritesh.shah]

hi all

Please provide a feedback.
I know the instructors can not grade this but you can.
Would be of great help.
Thanks.

[StaceyKoprince]

Pritesh needs your help, guys!

[nehajadoo]

I'm writing my comments as I am reading your essay so you get 'live' feedback from my perspective :)

Intro: To the point, clearly stated strong but I feel that its a little 'bare', you should mention What the authors point is. For e.g. "The authors stand above that we need to curb immigration is based on certain assumptions..."

2nd: nicely pointed out

3rd: again, raised a good point but could have thrown in an example?

4th:clear

5th:clear, can give examples of nations like Singapore (where I'm from) where the nation depends a lot on highly skilled migrants as well

6th: you made your points clear and took apart his weak premises but conclusion could have been worded stronger?

My take: 5/6

[nehajadoo]

ps: my exam is in 5 hrs and was just browsing through as I have yet to practice essays, just been reading others..wish me luck!

But I have scored 6.0 before (retaking exam today) so do have some little credibilty in analysing your essay..Just worried abt mine now as critiquing is way easier than writing =)

[StaceyKoprince]

nehajadoo, thanks so much for helping a fellow student. Good luck - well, your exam was yesterday now, so I hope everything went well!!

[pritesh.shah]

Thanks for the analysis Neha :)
I thought it would never come.

Thanks to you to Stacey.

[StaceyKoprince]

:)