Manhattan AWA

[shashank.sharma.chd]

Hi,My name is Shashank Sharma and I bought the Manhattan test series. Its undoubtedly the best thing that has happened to me since I started my preparation for GMAT.

Unfortunately and understandably, Manhattan doesn't score the AWA section(one of my weak link).

I would be really obliged if any of the GMAT instructor could rate my response to AWA essay(pasted below) which I encountered in one of the tests and let me know how I could improve. Sadly vocab is not one my strengths and hence you might find my essay in over simplified English and some sentence lacking the depth they need.
But that's something I can't help..

"As per the argument, the company's management feels that by reducing the number of warehoused from four to one, it will be able to cut down company's expenses and hence increase its profits. This argument is seriously flawed as management is looking at things in black and white and not seeing the whole picture. Though the rent of owning a single property will be less than that being paid for 4 different properties, but having warehouses at different locations was more beneficial for the company in the long run.

Warehouses are used to store inventory which is then transported to different parts of the country based upon the requirements. Although the company might be able to save some money by having to pay less number of employee to manage a single warehouse, but their having more number of warehouse enabled them to cater to the needs of different states from different places hence reducing the pressure on the same warehouse. As a result it was easier for the staff of a particular warehouse to forecast the demand for the region it was supplying material to.

Moreover, as the warehouses were spread through out the country, the transportation costs were much less for places far away from the headquarter. And given the current trend of rising oil prices, one can conclude that the cost being incurred by the company is going to rise. Also, the staff hired by the company to run its warehouse in different locations must have been local. These people along with the presence of warehouse in the location must have provided free advertisement to the company and resulted in increased revenue from the area which the management might not have been aware.

Management decision to reduce the number of warehouses will only provide temporary relief to the company. Though, with this step, the management might be able to cut the direct costs incurred by the company but in the process, it would end up in increasing the indirect expenses. Moreover the job cuts in the region where warehouse have been closed will hurt the company’s reputation and the management might regret taking such an extreme step."

[shashank.sharma.chd]

Since none of the Manhattan Instructors is interested in rating my essay, I request random visitors to please rate my essay and give some tips to improve.

thanks..

[StaceyKoprince]

Please read (and follow!) the forum guidelines before posting.

This folder is only for general strategy questions, not content or specific test problems. Check out the content / problem folders and post in the relevant folder depending upon the source of the problem you want to post (and make sure to follow the rules about banned sources). If you are a course student, you can also ask about other problems or issues before or after class or during section.

There is an Essay folder. One of the guidelines in the essay folder is that instructors will not rate essays. The guidelines explain why and also suggest an alternate method (really, the best method) to get an essay scored. It's the best method because it's the same software that's used to score the essay on the real GMAT. The test makers do charge a fee for this, but as I said, it's the real thing:

http://www.mba.com/store/store-catalog/gmat-preparation/gmat-write.aspx